=======================================================================================

Entry Five: a summary of events that occurred on February 22nd and 23rd, 2005

Dearest Tour Diary:

This day was spent mostly in transit. Yes. In fact , on this day, we all were in transit. All going the same direction, cosmically hurtling at 67,062 miles per hour around our closest star, we were making the cosmically short jump across our solar system. But taking into account the theory of relativity, we were really only traveling 270 miles. After a breakfast of American-style cold cereal courtesy, we hopped into the automobile and set off on the next chapter of our story.

Vrrrroom is what cars do in America. Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooommmmmm is what cars do in Europe. This is because cars in Europe get better gas mileage.

Paul had a really awesome time driving us around for the whole week!
<<<----------------

Our internal combustion engine was ready to work its hardest and to deliver us to our destination in Brighton at lightning speeds. However, all hopes of lighting speed were lost when we found our path strewn with leagues, miles, and kilometres of stationary cars. We turned our dials to the BBC and soon learned that a carbon dioxide truck had exploded on the M1 a few hours before. All traffic was detoured to clean up the explosion. We spent 6 hours in the worst traffic. How did Harry and the Potters handle it? We handled it with an explosion of our own. Yes! An explosion of literacy! We took Erika's copy of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell and began to read it aloud. Our heads were filled with visions of sugarplums and faries without the sugarplums. I don't even know what a sugarplum is. I forgot to ask British people about those. Oh well.

After reading for six hours about magicians and Yorkshire and Parliament we arrived in the coastal city of Brighton. Brighton is such a magical city! There are several magical objects around Brighton that bring about spectacularly unproductive miracles. Our favorite part of the city was the Ancient Donut Stone, which causes awesome people to levitate. The Donut decides who is awesome and who is not. I am not awesome. But Paul is!

I think the donut had something against me because I was really hungry when we approached it and I was talking about how much I wanted to eat a dozen donuts of giant proportion. But this donut shouldn't have had anything to worry about. First of all there were not a dozen giant donuts lying around in Brighton. There is only the One. Second of all, it looked wicked stale. Who would eat a giant stale donut anyway? I think this donut is stupid if it couldn't figure it out. Therefore I deem its rating system of Awesomeness "UNCREDIBLE."

Brighton Pier also causes extreme partying when there is a full moon.

So that night we ate some awesome Asian food somewhere, and then fell asleep in a hostel.

Next day!

We awoke in the morning. We felt warm. This was because there was heat in the room that we slept in. We should have savoured that night. It would be a long time before we would sleep with heat on again.

We also awoke craving more of the magical adventures of Mr. Norrell. So we ran to our temporary Potter Mobile and began reading as we drove Erika to the airport to send he back to America. The New World needed her, while Paul, Ernie, and I were left to bring the cacophony of wizard rock upon the Worlde of Olde. And this is exactly what we did that night to Sheffield.

It was snowing slightly. We met up with Jorg and Annie when we got Sheffield. We went to the giant botanical garden there, where they have rare trees and all sorts of ferns and things that were approved by the queen a few years ago. We ate sandwiches and drank tea in a tiny shop. We then proceeded to search record shops for awesome stuff. We found some Manowar albums and we found The Princess Bride in novel form which looked amazing. Music is much cheaper in America. Even British music is, which puzzles me.

We soon met up with Jim, who is totally awesome for the following reasons.
A) He likes Manowar
B) He likes Andrew WK
C) He made us awesome spicy pasta. AND breakfast.
D) He let us sleep in his bed.
E) He looks like Elijah Wood - seriously!
F) He booked our show for that evening in Sheffield.
Jim is so awesome that if he came within a mile of the Ancient Donut Stone, he would levitate a million feet in the air. A million!

Then it was off to the Classic Rock Bar for us. We had the privilege of being the last band ever to perform in the Classic Rock Bar. It was demolished after we played there. The destruction was not, as you would think it would be, caused by us. It was in fact caused as a result of some rich people buying it and destroying it because they wanted to make more money in the dirty business of real estate. The Man was stopping the Classic Rock. But the Man was so scared of us that he didn't dare destroy the Classic Rock Bar until we were an ocean away. Take that, The Man. Be afraid of the wizard rockers. We have both the powers of magic and rock combined! We're almost as powerful as those kids in Captain Planet. Well, we're definitely more powerful than that "Heart" kid. But when those kids combine, I don't think we can mess with a flying blue dude. No way. No one can mess with that.

The Classic Rock Bar was full of men that looked like Hagrid and women that looked like Hagrid too. It was INSANE to have multiple Harry Potters and multiple Hagrids combine for the sake of Rock. 10 points for the wizards!

Jorg poses with one of the Sheffield finest Hagrids
---------------------->>>

After the show we went to Jim's flat and talked to his friend about heavy metal and about slaying all sorts of evils. Then we fell asleep.

-Joe

Holy cow! You have read Entry 6 yet?