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Entry Nine: a summary of events from August 14 through August 16, 2004 (where again, most pictures are from our trip to Disney which came later in the tour)

Dearest Tour Diary,

After the Rockville library fiasco, we got invited to play Taboo by some local board game enthusiasts. We went to Lizz's house. If you were at the Rockville show, you may remember Lizz as the girl who was in her bathrobe. Here is the reason. Lizz had wanted desperately to go see her favorite book-band, Harry and the Potters, who were playing at her local library. She spent the previous evening partying all night (certainly admirable) in anticipation of this life-changing event. As a result, she is late to rise in the morning. So late, in fact, that when she calls her friend to ask what time the show is, she finds that it has started 30 minutes ago. Oh cruel fate! Lizz makes a valiant dash towards the library and even forgoes the usual custom of putting on clothes before going out in public. But alas, her effort is in vain. The wizard rock has ceased for the day. We took pity on the poor muggle and accepted her Taboo challenge.

Lizz's house was very cool and it featured some really excellent salt-water fish tanks, musical instruments, varied marine life, and anti-oxidant beverages. We talked about octopi, and squid, and giant squid, and colossal squid and how great it would be to eat them and/or have them as pets.

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This is not a creature from Lizz's aquarium, but still pretty cool.

Then we played Taboo with Lizz and a bunch of her friends whose names I forgot because they weren't wearing monogrammed bathrobes.

Later, we traveled to Baltimore to meet up with my good friend, Shaun Inman. When I was 15, Shaun and I started a band called the Hugh Grant Fan Club. We didn't know how to play any guitar chords, so most of the music centered around poorly-played, monophonic, acoustic guitar. We didn't know how to sing, so we talked in falsettos because that sounded more like singing than talking in regular voices. It was really quite excellent. We've discussed putting out a 10 CD discography of everything we ever recorded. Maybe someday we will unleash our genius upon the world. Maybe.

Anyway, we stayed with Shaun and his lady friend, Leslie. They have a very nice apartment with an empty efficiency in the basement that served as our sleeping quarters. We threatened to extend our stay and turn it into our party headquarters in Baltimore. That suggestion was met by apprehensive looks, and we suspected that such a situation might cramp Shaun and Leslie's pseudo-yuppie lifestyle. Later they brought us to a very nice, eclectic restaurant and we had a satisfying meal. We concluded the night with some Olympic watching, and fortunately, none in our party caught the dreaded Olympic Fever.

The following day, we made our way to Greensboro, North Carolina. Yes, Greensboro: where the church announcement boards proclaim "Heavenly Weather Forecast: Reign Forever" and "Blessed are the Hobbits." No wonder some many people go to church in the South.

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I'm sure that somehow, this could be used to get people to church as well.

We eventually found ourselves at the Greensboro library, which would host this afternoon's triumph. We set up our instruments of destruction in the main foyer beneath a magical looking tree/rock formation that had erected itself in the middle of the library. Endless faces, young and old, poured into the library this gentle afternoon: many to conduct daily library business, but many more to witness the wizard rock spectacle that we would be providing. It was excellent. We played a rocking version of "Cornelius Fudge is an Ass" that proved to be as divisive as the whole gay marriage issue. Many were dismayed at our use of this outlandish 3-letter word in the presence of such virgin ears, but many more were vindicated. "Yes!" they applauded, "Cornelius Fudge is, indeed, an ass."

After the set, we met a real Potter. Two, in fact - and their dad's name was James. We thought that was pretty cool, so we hung out with them for a while. We went to Beth (the library rock show promoter)'s house and we had pizza in celebration of her son Dan's birthday. Joe drank a beverage called "Dr. Extreme." Then we all went and saw "Napoleon Dynamite." That was a pretty good movie. Later, we OD-ed on ice cream and passed out in our hotel room.

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Our first hotel room of the tour. Check out that parking lot view!

We awoke to find Monday - the beginning of a new week - a school week for the poor, unfortunate children of South Carolina. But oh! Do not fear, young ones. This week will be better than most for you, the reading elite of Dutch Fork Elementary School. Because today, we celebrate your outstanding reading accomplishments, your triumph over books! In reward, there will be a wizard rock show accompanied by chipwiches. Damn! You are a lucky elementary school.

We played what must have been the most rocking show EVER in a South Carolinian elementary school. Young lives were changed - for the better.

Later, we ate some authentic Carolina BBQ (mustard-based), vandalized at Young Republicans sign at the local university, and then made our way to the Richmond County Northeast library branch in Columbia. We played a bunch of songs that we wrote, and then I messed up a chord during the beginning of "the Godfather, Part II" and I started laughing. A girl in the audience got really upset. She was very attached to Sirius, and I guess my laughter was inappropriate - or maybe she just didn't like the song. I made it better by playing the seldom-heard "Harry and the Potters Happy Birthday Song" for her mom.

I've been thinking a lot about grits lately. Mostly, I've been wondering if there is such a thing as good grits. We had some grits back in Idaho at a Cracker Barrel and they were terrible (but so was everything else). Then we had some at a Waffle House in Colorado and they were also terrible. I had some Quaker Instant grits at the hotel in Greensboro, and those were bearable, but by no means were they good. Our dad insists that he's actually had good grits before. Personally, I think "good grits" might be a paradoxical phrase. I've seen no evidence that such a thing exists. If anyone out there has had good grits, please let us know. Or better yet, bring some to a show.

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This Disney-dog was pretty gross, but I still think it would win out over grits. The dog gave me a headache

On a positive note, the South wins commendation for being the only place in the country that we've found Mr. Pibb. I'm not talking about "Pibb Extreme" or whatever that junk is. I'm talking about good, old-fashioned Mr. Pibb. You know, like Dr. Pepper, but without the degree. We found it on tap at a few places in the Carolinas. Joe was so psyched that he put a whole bunch in his head.

Number of Shows: 38
Number of Grits: 3
Number of good Grits: 0
Number of Mr. Pibbs: 2

- Paul 08.18.04